Nobody's Perfect

Last week, I wrote my first post in my new weekly series called The Refinement.

It was...good enough. I had rushed to get it done. I've been embracing the practice of quick, imperfect action, and when an idea comes to me, I get it out and into the world.

But within hours of posting, I found myself realizing that there was so much more I could have said. The point that I really intended to make got a little lost.

That old gremlin came back - the one who always had to be perfect, the one who needed to be better than everyone else in order to be good enough.

You know that gremlin?

"This is not your best work."

"You should have put more time into your very first one."

"Why is a jeweler giving life lessons?"

You get the point.

And sure, it wasn't my best work. It could've been better. And maybe I could have put in more time. But also, I had so many other things on my plate. And I have a business to run.

It made me think about how I've reinvented myself a few times in the last decade. 

I moved to New York after having spent at least 30% of my time there for work anyway, for a type of job I'd never done.

Then, I quit my advertising career, became a certified energy leadership coach, and started my own business.

And most recently, I added "jeweler" to my stack of hats and started another business.

Each time, I had to navigate so much "new." Learn new skills, produce new results, change old ways...and still perform.

Oddly, the hardest shifts were in my own business, where I answered to nobody but myself.

And that's because there is not, has never been, and will never be a harsher critic of my work than me.

It's hella hard to master a new skill, believe it's worth what you're asking others to pay for it, and put it out into the world for scrutiny, without all the attendant emotions: fear, anxiety, doubt, uncertainty.

But the thing about perfectionism? It's just self judgment. Your harshest critic (you) is stepping in as quality control to tell you all the reasons your work isn't good enough.

And here's the thing I want you to know: That judgment you fear when perfectionism kicks in? You've already heaped it on yourself.

There is no sting in the judgment of others when you've already done the judging yourself. All that does is validate what you already believe.

That's why I teach my coaching clients that "all judgment is self judgment." When you create anxiety in your system by fearing what others will think, the damage is already done.

And side note (but equally important here): When you judge someone else, it's just because you see something in them, reflected back to you, that you don't like about yourself.

If you find yourself judging someone else's work harshly, look at that closely. What is it that has triggered this judgment? If you're being honest, you might find an area where growth is needed.

That first blog post? I went back and edited it. Now it conveys what I really wanted to say. A lesson that nothing is ever permanent. Failure isn't fatal. You learn and you grow and you move on.

The next time you feel perfectionism rising up, notice it. Take a deep breath. Ask yourself: What's really going on here?

Listen for the response. Then challenge it. Your gremlin is a liar. That harsh critic that's seemingly trying to help you is secretly sabotaging you.

Know and believe in your worth. And remember that nobody's perfect, anyway. Perfection is a myth.